End of the Line
by Willow Baby
Summary: Is it possible to write rated R poems? I guess so, because I did. These are all depressing and deal with very controversial issues. One for each of the Digidesined, starting with Tai of course!
1. End of the Line (Tai)

Umm...hehe. OK, these poems are nothing like the other ones I've written. I wrote them a while back, but just finished the series recently. I did the chaptering format for these because it works better then separate posts. They're really depressing, and they talk about all sorts of "bad stuff", so...watch out. I'm sorry if this offends people, or makes you hate me as a writer or something like that because it makes these characters look bad. I just think this is what their lives would be like if everything suddenly went to hell. Well, here's the first of the series, Tai as usual. This talks about drinking and yaoi, so be careful. This is probably one of the most depressing one's I've done. Thankfully, I don't own Digimon. Read, review and enjoy!  
  
(A/N - I haven't forgotten about "Everything I Do". It's just that this entire week I've been sick and it's generally been a crappy week. So, I'll get back to it as soon as I feel up to writing a long epic again. Sorry!)  
  
End of the Line (Tai)  
  
I feel pressured  
To be the best  
At everything  
Except school  
That's a lost cause  
Soccer matters  
So does popularity  
  
With popularity   
Comes more pressure  
Peer pressure  
Stuff like drugs  
Girls  
Alcohol  
I only like one  
  
Alcohol  
I love it  
And it's so convenient  
Just show up at Matt's  
There's always some  
Just lying around  
From his dad  
  
He lets me in  
Lets me drink  
But he never joins me  
Says it's not for him  
Never liked the stuff  
I guess that's because  
Of his dad  
  
Yet something's weird  
About Matt  
I think he does stuff  
Stuff like drugs  
But there's no proof   
Except for his shirts  
They're all long sleeves  
  
I drink a lot  
But I can stop  
Whenever I want  
I'm in control  
Not like Matt's dad  
Mr. Ishida  
The alcoholic  
  
I said I only like one  
It's the truth  
I only like alcohol  
Not drugs  
Nor girls  
They're not for me  
Girls aren't for Matt either  
  
That's a secret  
The soccer team doesn't know  
They think I'm straight  
I'm not  
But they know   
I like alcohol  
Just not drugs  
  
But I've said that already  
So I'll leave now  
I'm leaving Matt's   
Again  
After getting drunk  
I get in my car  
Home's three blocks away  
  
I do this a lot  
Drive while I'm drunk  
Call it "drinking and driving"  
If you like  
I look at it as daring  
A risk I like to take  
One where I always succeed  
  
But not today  
I'm worse than usual  
I swerve and hit a car  
That's strange   
Why is Sora here  
I guess I'll never know  
Because I black out  
  



	2. End of the Line (Matt)

Well, here is Matt's and it is just dripping with angst. This one really makes you think...probably about how messed my mind is, but that's not what I was going for. Anyway, Matt's is really depressing too, maybe even more that Tai's, I don't know. Well, here it is, talking about drugs and yaoi. Strangely enough, Tai's poem and Matt's poem do tie in together, but I wasn't really going for a Taito theme here, although be my guest if you want to take it that way. Remember, I don't own Digimon. Read, review and enjoy!  
  
End of the Line (Matt)  
  
Manic-depressive  
Troubled  
Disturbed  
Screwed-up  
I've heard them all  
But now I can cope  
It's all I can do to help  
  
Light me up  
  
Queer  
Faggot  
Homo  
Fairy  
I've heard those too  
And once again  
I learned to cope  
  
Pass the joint  
  
I know it's not the answer  
But it's an answer  
Despite what you think  
It does help  
If only a little  
Before depression sets in  
Again  
  
Pass the dust  
  
I've gotten better  
I think  
Maybe not  
I don't really know  
All I know is this  
Life's fucked up  
So am I  
  
Pass the pills  
  
I've tried them all  
Each time getting deeper  
It started out OK  
A simple smoke turned to crack  
Then all hell broke loose  
All sorts of doors opened  
And I was sucked in  
  
Pass the needle  
  
I feel it in me  
As I forget my troubles  
No drunk-ass dad  
No name calling  
Just me  
The warm-fuzzy feeling  
And this field of flowers  
  
I need more  
  
The flowers are leaving  
There's darkness now  
I'm alone  
The bad kind of alone  
Where are the flowers  
Where are the others  
I'm falling  
  
I said "more"  
  
I can't move  
I'm scared  
More scared then the first time  
I'm terrified  
Did I go too far  
Is this the end  
Of everything  
  
Pass it damnit  
  
I'm slipping away  
As I continue falling  
I'm no longer high  
But I'm more than down  
The blackness surrounds  
Help me  
Or I'm gone  
  



	3. End of the Line (TK)

Aww...this one's sad too, though not the "aww" kind of sad. TK's poem is another tragic and depressed kind of sad poem. TK talks about his brother, Kari and drugs in it. He's always admired and followed the lead of Matt, so we can all guess what TK does. I hope that people don't hate me. I'm sorry I wrote this kind of stuff. Just wait until you get to Sora's. Wow, that's really...um...messed up, but I'm saving the best for last! Hehe. Anyway, enough rambling. I don't own Digimon. Read, review and enjoy!  
  
End of the Line (TK)  
  
I'm not oblivious  
Not anymore  
I know what he does  
Matt I mean  
I've seen it around  
It's everywhere  
All over the apartment  
  
Most of the stuff   
I don't know what it is  
But there is one bag  
Full of something like powder  
But it isn't white  
And there's paper  
To roll it in  
  
I've never actually seen him  
Never seen him do it  
But I know how things work  
I'm not a little kid  
I'm a freshman now  
So I know what's in the world  
I know my brother's a victim  
  
I also know I'm a victim  
I tried it once  
It was good  
I think I'm hooked now  
Not as bad as Matt though  
I don't depend on it yet  
But I know I like it  
  
Sometimes when he leaves  
I sneak in  
I have my own key  
And I go to his stash  
Take some out  
And smoke it  
It relaxes me  
  
If Matt found out  
I bet he'd be pissed  
Real pissed  
But he won't   
I know he won't   
After all  
I'm his perfect baby brother  
  
"TK would never do that"  
I hear them say  
"TK's too innocent"  
They proclaim  
Well guess what  
I've got problems too  
I just hide it better  
  
Kari barely talks anymore  
She is my girlfriend  
But she ignores me  
She ignores most people  
Something's wrong with her too  
But I can't put a finger on it  
She grew so distant  
  
I miss Kari  
I guess that's one reason  
That I started this  
That and Matt  
I've always admired him  
I figured if he could  
I could too  
  
My teammates don't know  
They go out sometimes  
To get high  
They never invite me  
They think I'm pure   
Or some crap like that  
But I'm not  
  
They would never guess  
That I do it more than them  
That it's so easy  
To get a hold of  
But all drugs are easy  
To get a hold of  
Especially marijuana  
  
Sometimes Tai is at Matt's  
He might do it too  
I'm not sure  
But I wouldn't be surprised  
Everyone's pretty messed up  
I guess from the life  
The Digiworld exposed us too  
  
After all  
Wouldn't you be messed up  
After a nightmare like that  
Running for your life  
Everyday  
As if it were a video game  
But it wasn't  
  
The whole group has changed  
For the worse  
I just fell into the trap  
Experimenting   
Along with the others  
Since I have access  
Why wouldn't I try it  
  



	4. End of the Line (Kari)

It's Kari's turn to be depressed and completely melodramatic. This one is a completely different from the others I've written so far, but yet still disturbing. In this poem Kari is anorexic. I know, this is another very touchy topic, but it works for a depressing subject. Well, here it is, let's see what you think about this one. I don't own Digimon. Read, review and enjoy!  
  
End of the Line (Kari)  
  
I'm so fat  
My appearance is disgusting  
I can't eat this  
Get this food away  
Leave me alone  
It will just make me fatter  
And uglier  
  
Is this their plan  
To make me gain weight  
I'm already fat  
Must they continue  
To force food on me  
I hate them  
Please make them stop  
  
Why can't they see  
How fat I am  
Even Tai doesn't notice it  
He doesn't care  
He could at least help  
He is my brother after all  
But he doesn't care  
  
No one cares   
What I think  
No one  
Why not  
I don't want this food  
Just look at all the fat  
On that disgusting piece of meat  
  
I'll just eat the salad  
That's enough for me  
Yet they still beg me to eat it  
Well I won't  
I can't  
I have to watch my weight  
I'm already overweight  
  
After sitting for two hours  
They finally give up  
I won again  
I didn't have to eat it  
I leave  
And go to the bathroom  
To weigh myself  
  
89 lbs  
For a 5'4'' girl  
Who's 14 year's old  
That's pathetic  
Too overweight  
Why can't I be thin  
Why am I so fat  
  
Don't they realize I'm fat  
Not even TK notices  
And he's my boyfriend  
What's wrong with them  
They should be disgusted  
At my obesity  
But they aren't  
  
Instead  
They try to make me eat  
More  
I can't eat more  
I'm too fat as it is  
What's wrong with them  
Are they blind  
  
I just want to lose weight  
I want to be pretty  
I want to be popular  
I can't be pretty   
Or popular  
If I'm a fat slob  
So I won't eat  
  
If I don't eat  
I can't gain weight  
Even though people say  
I look like a skeleton  
Even though I feel weak  
I know they're lying  
I know how fat I am  
  



	5. End of the Line (Izzy)

Here's Izzy's poem, not half as bad as the others. This one is really just a different viewpoint on how Izzy became so smart. It talks about how he's hooked on a different kind of drug then Matt and TK are. It's still a tragic story, but really, almost nothing compared to the four before this one. For some reason, I always have trouble getting inside of Izzy's head, the same goes for Joe. Oh well, here it is. I don't own Digimon. Read, review and enjoy!  
  
End of the Line (Izzy)  
  
What time is it  
3:00 AM  
Not so bad  
I'll go to sleep soon  
After I finish this  
Just some extra credit  
To keep my 4.0 GPA  
  
It's Junior year  
The most important year  
In my high school career  
I can't screw it up  
I have to be perfect  
So universities will want me  
So I'll be Valedictorian  
  
I have to keep going  
Even it if means all night  
But that's OK  
I can manage  
These pills are helping  
They keep me awake  
Give me energy  
  
I've stayed up all night  
Many times before  
It started in the Digiworld  
I was just thirsty for knowledge  
Now I need the grades  
So I push the limits  
Exceeding excellence  
  
They're simple pills  
Really  
I've often wondered  
How they work  
I hypothesize   
They speed up the heart rate  
Or something  
  
I'm not sure  
But it must prevent  
Muscle relaxation  
That way I stay alert  
And I'm able to stay up  
As late as I want  
As late as I need  
  
They help me a lot  
I'm the best in my class  
But sometimes  
I just feel so tired  
So rundown  
That must be a side effect  
Of the pills  
  
But it's hardly worth worrying  
After all  
I'm getting what I want  
The best grades  
Top of the class  
Heck, top of the school  
I'm the perfect student  
  



	6. End of the Line (Joe)

This is Joe's poem, and once again, it isn't nearly as depressing as Tai's, Matt's, TK's or Kari's were. It still does have angst in it because Joe was pressured to become something he doesn't want to be. He speaks of his father and how he was forced to become a doctor so that he would make his father proud. It is a difficult situation for Joe, but the way I presented it, I don't know, I seem to downplay how unhappy Joe really is. Well, that's enough bashing of my own poem. Just read it. I don't own Digimon (that line is getting really annoying). Read, review and enjoy (this one probably is too by now)!  
  
End of the Line (Joe)  
  
I sit alone  
In my dorm  
Reviewing Anatomy  
Why  
Because I'm studying to be a doctor  
It's the exact profession  
That my father wants  
  
I didn't want to be a doctor  
I wanted something else  
Like a marine biologist  
Or something   
Other than doctor  
I mean  
I'm terrified of blood  
  
How ironic is that  
A doctor  
That fears blood  
I'll be useless   
In the medical world  
But I don't have a choice  
Despite what Jim says  
  
He told me to be my own man  
But I can't  
Not with my dad  
Pushing me through medical school  
I can't do what I want  
Even though he found a way  
To lead his own life  
  
Why can't I be like him  
Why can't I be strong  
And brave  
And determined  
Instead I'm afraid  
And pushed around  
That's the way I've always been  
  
I hate that I can't be what I want  
That I must obey my father  
Even as an adult  
After all  
I was too frightened  
To ever say anything  
As a high schooler  
  
So now I'm here  
Learning how to be a doctor  
It's too late to turn back now  
I can't give up  
That would be even worse  
That doing something different   
From the start  
  
That's another thing  
He hates quitters  
He calls them weak  
Vulnerable  
Pathetic  
But doesn't that describe me   
Already  
  
I always thought so  
I mean  
I don't live my own life  
The way Jim does  
So what makes me different  
From a quitter  
If I never tried at all  
  
I'll never succeed  
Because I didn't take risks  
I didn't risk failure  
I didn't challenge authority  
So since I never did anything  
I'll never get anywhere in life  
My life's worthless  
  



	7. End of the Line (Mimi)

OK! Here's some really hard-core depression (hard-core something else too)! Mimi's poem is one of the most depressing poems; it's right up at the top. I still can't believe I wrote something like this. I like Mimi, I do. This really demented her character and makes you see her in a whole different light. The situation she's in is horrible and I'll let you read to find out what it is. I don't own Digimon. Read, review and enjoy!  
  
End of the Line (Mimi)  
  
I've been here for four years  
In America I mean  
At first it was great  
But then all sorts of shit happened  
My parents pampered and babied me  
Worse than usual  
I ran away to prove something  
  
We lived in New York  
So it was easy to get lost  
The Big Apple  
Anyone can get lost there  
They stopped looking  
After about two months I guess  
They never cared to begin with  
  
I thought this would be easier  
On my own  
No one to hover over me  
No one to shelter me from reality  
Just me  
The sky  
And a park bench  
  
I thought it would be OK  
I would be taken to a shelter  
For the homeless  
The homeless teens  
But no  
My path led to something else  
Prostitution  
  
I accepted it at first  
Why you say  
Because it meant money  
And I needed to survive  
So I went along  
Got into the business  
But now I can't get out  
  
I should have enough to leave  
But they keep me here  
He keeps me here  
Forcing me   
To work  
Sell my body  
Without seeing a penny  
  
It's not fair  
I didn't want this  
I don't deserve this  
All I wanted   
Was to be loved  
Not make love  
But I'm not doing that either  
  
I'm just fucking  
Or being fucked  
Whichever  
All I know  
Is that I'm stuck  
In this horrible business  
Of prostitution  
  
Girls like me   
Are seen as sluts  
Whores  
But it's not our fault  
Not most of the time  
We get sucked in  
Unable to leave  
  
Do you think I want to do this  
Do you think I like it  
I have to sleep with tons of men  
Twenty  
Thirty  
Forty  
Even fifty years old  
  
I hate it  
It's degrading  
But I can't do anything  
I'm forced  
All I want to do is leave  
I'll even go back home  
Just anywhere but here  
  
So many drugs  
Diseases  
Namely STD's   
Have entered my body  
I don't even know what I have  
But I know I'm not healthy  
That's for sure  
  
I probably have HIV  
Among other things  
But people don't care  
They don't even ask  
If I'm clean  
And they don't answer  
When I ask  
  
I'll probably die soon  
From either disease  
Abuse  
Or murder  
That'll be better than this  
Than this hellhole  
I hope  
  



	8. End of the Line (Sora)

Sora's poem is the last one and the longest poem. In my opinion, it is also the best poem (in a really disturbing sort of way). In this poem, she's completely insane. While I'll admit, it was fun to write, I read it over now and I can't believe I thought of something so dark. Sora's poem also sort of sums up the entire series. So, here it is, the one you've all been waiting for! I don't own Digimon (wow, that just TOTALLY killed the mood). Read, review and enjoy!  
  
End of the Line (Sora)  
  
I hear voices  
Actually one voice in my head  
It is always yelling  
Why is it mad at me  
Am I crazy  
I think I am  
I hear it again  
  
I don't want you  
  
Shut up  
You're a loser  
With sluts who follow you  
Everywhere  
Go the fuck away  
Leave us alone  
I hate these whores  
  
Stop yelling at me  
  
Shut up I said  
Why are you so stupid  
Why are they so stupid  
I hate them  
The sluts and the pricks  
Get these boys away  
Just leave us alone  
  
I don't want to be alone  
  
Yes you do  
I hate my life  
I hate these "friends"  
They're driving me crazy  
Everyone else already is  
I know they are  
They just don't know I am  
  
They aren't crazy; neither am I  
  
Who the hell are you kidding  
No one  
I'm a lunatic  
A psycho  
Insane in the membrane  
So is everyone else  
This whole world is crazy  
  
Leave me alone, please  
  
See, you can agree with me  
You want to be alone too  
But we can't  
Not with all these fucking losers  
What am I a goddess  
I'm a freak show  
Go away  
  
They're my friends  
  
Bull  
No they're not  
If they are  
We've got some pretty screwed up friends  
Just look at them  
Every single one of them  
They're all screwed up  
  
That's not true  
  
Yes it is  
Just look dumbass  
Matt's a depressed faggot  
Who also happens to be a druggie  
Does he think I don't know  
I see his dark-rimmed, blood-shot eyes  
And the long sleeves  
  
No, it's a lie  
  
Stop fighting it  
It's true  
Tai's a drunk queer  
Everyone knows that  
It's so obvious  
What a loser  
Just like you  
  
Stop yelling, please  
  
Fuck off  
And what about Kari  
Perfect little Kari  
She's so pretty  
She's so thin  
Bullshit  
She's an anorexic freak  
  
Stop lying to me  
  
I'm not lying  
Then there's perfect TK  
Perfectly taking after Matt  
Yep, just like him  
TK's already experimenting  
With the shit Matt leaves around  
TK: the wannabe druggie  
  
He would never  
  
So naïve  
Let's see; who's left  
Oh, Mimi  
The slut; the whore  
She went around the world  
Now she gets around  
With the American guys  
  
I don't want to listen to this  
  
Too fucking bad  
Hmm...there's also the genius, Izzy  
He once told me  
That's there 24 usable hours in a day  
And he plans to make use of them  
How  
One word; speed  
  
I'm not listening  
  
Yes you are   
Stop being moronic  
Finally there's Joe  
He's in college  
Studying to become a doctor  
The profession his father wanted for him  
Just another depressed loser  
  
They're all lies  
  
I thought you weren't listening  
I guess you slipped up  
How do you like them now  
Some friends  
No wonder you're so fucked up  
I can't believe you're still alive  
Why don't you kill yourself already  
  
Please, just stop it  
  
What's the matter little girl  
Baby  
Am I bugging you  
Aww...I'm sorry  
Yeah right  
Get a life  
Actually, end it  
  
I don't wanna die  
  
Yes you do  
No one needs you  
Why are these whores still here  
Make them go away  
Stupid bitches  
You don't want them either   
Do you  
  
No, I don't  
  
Good  
You're beginning to reason  
All you have to do is leave  
Go home  
Get a knife  
Pills  
Just end your miserable existence  
  
All right, I give up  
  
I get in my car  
To drive away from here  
But a car hits me  
And I know it's the end of the line  
I guess the voice won after all  
I think sadly as I look up  
And see Tai  



End file.
